so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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