Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
