Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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