I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
