Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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