Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
