Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
