Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
