Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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