There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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