Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
