Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
so let's talk penis.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
