I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
