He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
