your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
someone owes me an orgasm
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
