You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
