What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
