I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
