Betty ford says i'm here all night
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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