We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
