would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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