Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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