This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
