I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
