How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
3pm strippers are depressing
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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