Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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