forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I think I died a long time ago.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
