I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
