He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
