Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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