In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
