dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
