love makes seman taste better
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
