its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
