So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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