I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
