I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
