You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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