nut hugger
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
