He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
