I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
