are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
