I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Randomize
