i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
