Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We were destined to go to rehab together
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
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