My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
