I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
