I think I died a long time ago.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
