Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I cut my penus on the lid.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
