I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
